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[21 Jun 2010|12:15am] |
My attempts to learn how to cook and bake continue to fail. The last one involved a can of oven cleaner, which I'm pretty sure made me a little bit high. And dad didn't get his Father's Day cookies. Oh well. It was a stupid idea anyway. I don't actually know what's wrong with me. When I think about cooking, it seems like it would be so easy. You just follow instructions. Somehow, I always mess it up. My food never looks or tastes as it should. I know that my biggest problem is lack of patience. Twice I've ruined something because I've been leaning against the counter reading while the stove burns something. I guess I need to learn to focus.
I'll never be a good housewife. This is terrible news. I cannot even pretend that cooking is beneath me, because it keeps beating me. Every time. I'm going to go ahead and say that it's stupid and I'm done with trying. I'll stick to what I know best.
This post lacked a lot of my usual judgmental comments, so I'll go ahead and say that it's summer and I hate what 85% of the people on the streets are wearing. Or, I hate that they're not wearing enough. If any of you catch me glaring at you in the halls, it's because you look ridiculous too.
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[20 May 2010|02:10pm] |
One of my friends just got engaged, and she suddenly thinks she's the expert on relationships. She keeps sharing little pearls of wisdom when they're not wanted or needed. She actually started a conversation with this: "It's hard to explain how I feel these days. You see, when you're with someone for the long run...". Horrible. As though I'm not in a serious relationship with someone I live with. Originally, I was happy for her, but not anymore. She has become so god damn annoying, seriously.
That's the end of my rant for today.
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[21 Mar 2010|01:39pm] |
Ugh. One of my friends is an 'actress' and she performs in productions that are very, very off Broadway. It's depressing. What's worse? She always wants me to go to them, and they're always at really irritating times in parts of town that I don't enjoy visiting. For example, one is at 9:30 tonight somewhere in Brooklyn and it has a hidden message about... something I don't don't care about. Environmentalism? Or maybe war. I don't know. She told me, I wasn't really listening. Last time, she performed in a play where she was forced to speak French for a few lines. I was thinking about tricking Theo into going, but I couldn't bring myself to be so cruel.
She should stick to her day job. Which is waitressing. She's very pretty, but she could not act to save her life.
In other news. Bathing suits are in stores. I guess it's time to lose the holiday weight.
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[19 Jan 2010|02:12pm] |
Vivienne Westwood's 'homeless chic' collection reminds me of Zoolander. I'm not the first one to draw this connection, obviously. I just cannot help but shake my head when I see THIS on a runway of cardboard boxes.
This fashion trend of gaining inspiration from the homeless spans past this collection, and I'm not a huge fan. Not because I care about the homeless, but I think it kind of takes away from the individual pieces with all of the politics surrounding it. Of course, politics and fashion go hand and hand. If it's not this, it will be something else.
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[30 Dec 2009|10:25pm] |
Time for holiday reflections. Already. This Christmas was amazing. Why? It was quiet and relaxed, and I didn't feel guilty doing next to nothing all day. Instead, I sat around with Weston and tried to decide where we want to go on vacation. Tough decisions, I know. It's hard being me.
On the not so amazing side, I've gained weight in the month of December and will therefore not be choosing a warm vacation spot. I'm not going to force people to look at me in a bathing suit right now. I don't think it's fair to humanity.
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[07 Dec 2009|12:05am] |
So, I'm going to sign up for Secret Santa, but can I ask nicely that no one buys me a sex toy? I realize that some of you will take this request as a sign of encouragement, but I seriously find it really creepy. I literally imagine someone looking at a selection of dildos and vibrators and wondering which one I would like best. It really weirds me out.
All that aside, I'm going to start looking through formal wear dresses. I have a lot of cocktail dresses in my collection, but I'm certain I'm going to go for the evening gown this time around. If anyone needs a good, honest opinion on their formal wear for the party, I'm all yours. I don't mind being mean, either. In fact, I'm really good at it. Just ask.
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[03 Nov 2009|11:55pm] |
I dropped my Blackberry today on the pavement, and then I stepped on it. In the process of doing all of this and almost falling over (it caught on the heel of my boot), I could have sworn that the guy passing me was eyeing up my phone and debating whether or not to take it and run. Classy people here in New York. They see a woman almost fall, and all they can think about is how to benefit from the unfortunate situation.
Anyway, I recovered it, but it's really scratched. It still works fine, but it's less shiny now. That bothers me. I'm almost tempted to break it and ask them to replace it. I heard that as long as you're stuck on their plan, the company will replace your smart phone if it stops working properly. I don't know, though. I should probably look these things up before I purposely break my things.
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[15 Oct 2009|02:58pm] |
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THIS is the stupidest thing I've seen all week. If I ever see anyone using this app in public, I'm never going to stop making fun of them.
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[06 Oct 2009|01:42pm] |
Weston and I are looking for a new place, and it's both terrifying and exciting. Hunting for a home is so stressful. I'm really just happy that we have a good amount of money to spend, because Manhattan is terribly expensive. I'm also happy that Weston isn't as picky as I am, or else we'd be having these huge battles over everything. There are a few things I will just not budge on. For example, a really terrible location.
We've found a few cool places in TriBeCa and a really nice place in Battery Park but we really haven't committed to anything. Anyway, I'm constantly on the look out during my breaks at work and when I'm at home. I've flipped through so many virtual tours that my eyes are getting blurry.
On the positive side, this has distracted me from fall shopping. I may need to cut back if we're going to be purchasing a new, expensive home. I'm depressed just thinking about it.
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[16 Sep 2009|02:03pm] |
I'm really excited for this fall. I'm in love with fall and winter fashions, and I have a boot obsession. My credit card has been taking a few major hits lately, but it's not as bad as it has been in previous years. I tend to spend more money when I'm not in a great mood, and things have been going well lately. You all needed to know my emotional state. There you have it.
I'm busy with fashion week, and although I'm exhausted and rarely home, I'm still sad that it's ending soon. But just so you know, I'm going to try to stop updating about fashion so often, because I don't want Josh to hate me for dressing well.
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[01 Aug 2009|10:50am] |
If I see one more extremely see-through white shirt, I'm going to throw a fit. Some people must not have mirrors in their homes, or simply cannot grasp the concept of an undershirt. It's embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as Crocs.
I know that I rant about clothes too much, but everyone's 'fashion' choices piss me off in the summer. I constantly have something to say about trashy women or hopeless men. I think Spent shelters me from the real world because most of the people I socialize with on a daily basis look so lovely. TJ and Theo especially. They definitely are men of taste.
On a completely unrelated note, it was nice this morning so I decided that I'd go jogging, and this guy fell in step behind me and jogged right behind me for a really long time so I had to cut it short because I got uncomfortable. I should clearly find an all-woman gym to go to.
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[15 Jul 2009|01:52pm] |
I don't know what to update about, but all of this talk about fat girls has reminded me of my own weight gain, so here comes a self-pitying entry. Skip if you wish.
I've been binging lately. It happens every once in a while. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Especially cookies. Anyway, I woke up a few mornings ago and decided that my ass looks even bigger than usual, so I'm going to try to eat properly for a little while. If there are treats in the break room, I'm going to have to avoid it. I don't trust myself, and I don't want to force Weston to resort to the 10 suggestions for ultimate male insensitivity. Thanks for the link, Connor. I laughed a lot.
I really want to hire a dietitian to lay out meal plans for me. It would be so much simpler than being forced to think for myself. I'm lazy. I cannot cook to save my life, which explains my preference for packaged goods, right? Unfortunately, I think the dietitian will expect me to cook for myself, and that's just not going to happen.
My life is so hard.
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[23 Jun 2009|12:56pm] |
I just got back from lunch, and I'm pretty sure that the male server was completely hitting on me in attempts to get a higher tip. Ahaha, nice try, buddy. That may work on men at Hooters because seriously, guys are so stupid sometimes but I'm not biting. Needless to say, he didn't get anything extra. Well, except a few glares and weirded out looks.
My friend was secretly loving it. She's not pretty. I doubt she ever gets that much attention. I wish I could have shared the experience with someone equally baffled.
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[25 May 2009|12:17am] |
I won't lie, I'm scared to check these journals lately because I'm afraid of Millie's pregnancy posts. No offense, Millie, I respect your openness and honesty about your girl parts and growing baby, but I'm squeamish about some things. The details around pregnancy really freak me out, and since I haven't been around many babies or pregnant women in my life, I can honestly say that I'm quite sheltered. This removes them blame from me, see? I'm not a wimp, I'm just sheltered.
I cannot see myself having children. That's awkward. Maybe I should talk to Weston about that kind of stuff before I say it. Whatever. He probably guessed this much. Motherhood itself scares me too, but the big thing is pregnancy. It freaks me out, and frightens me.
I sound like such a child in this entry. Oh well. You'll have to deal with my childishness, Spent.
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[07 Apr 2009|03:00pm] |
I have nothing to update about, and it's time. I was going to make an entire post that mocked someone in specific, but I figured it was too cruel since the person hasn't done anything to me. Instead, I'll have to leave you to guess. I know you all really care.
The spring season is approaching, and just like every year, I'm once again frightened for fashion. I cannot wait to start seeing all of the horrible clothing choices on the streets of New York City. Many people simply throw out the possibility of looking half-decent when things get hot, and it never fails to sicken me. By the way, Spent? You're not off limits to my disgust.
Now that Emilie is gone, I have to find new people to ridicule. Will someone else who isn't my mother please start dressing like a tacky, animal-printed cougar? Throw on some big white sunglasses and wear anything with a designer that has several syllables in his or her name, and you should be golden. Also? Never wear anything appropriate for your body type. That would just be silly.
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[08 Mar 2009|11:01pm] |
Okay, so I've had a bit too much wine tonight. I shouldn't go out with old friends when I have to work the next day. Oh well.
I'm extremely bored, Spent. Tell me something interesting or create some drama. The office is so boring lately.
I want Natalie to come back. That insufferable bitch made things interesting.
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[07 Feb 2009|12:25am] |
I tried cooking tonight and it was a disaster. I made a terrible mess that I didn't want to clean up, and while cooking, my food smelled a bit like burnt hair. I decided (for some reason) to ignore this and try it anyway. It tasted worse than it smelled.
I fail as a woman, obviously. I'm so close to hiring a cook. That's what my mother did. I need to be able to feed myself when I'm home alone, and I cannot just eat a box of cookies and pretend it's dinner. My thighs and fat ass will not thank me.
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[16 Jan 2009|03:11pm] |
I don't know about you guys, but the new 'boyfriend jean' trend makes me laugh. I'm really not behind it.
What about you girls? Will you be raiding your boyfriend's closet and stealing his jeans because Katie Holmes did it? I'd like to hear some opinions.
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